This you?

Right now, many are! Fight back and retake our rightful place as people with rights above those of corporations.

Agreed. I’ll never understand why people who don’t actually want children have children.

Testicular torsion. As a teenager, I woke up early in the morning with the worst back and stomach pain I had ever felt in my life. I remember thinking I might be sick, vomiting, then passing out from the pain. My parents found me later that morning because I was delirious and moaning. They took me to the hospital and it was fixed.

Just kidding! My parents are shit bags so they told me I just had the flu and I was being dramatic. After my testicle swelled up to over double the size later that day, they called our family doctor who said I probably had a hydrocele and he’d look at it when he got back from vacation. For the record, mine was textbook testicular torsion, my doctor was as idiotically negligent as my parents.

The pain again became excruciating that evening and I was exhausted from lack of sleep, so I started yelling and demanding my parents take me to the hospital, which they did the next morning. There was TV to be watched, they couldn’t bother with taking care of their children. The ER determined my testicle was quite dead. Surgery was scheduled for that evening and I’ve had one testicle since. Get fucked, mom and dad.

Yet Smashmouth never ate the eggs…

You and me both. Last year, I bought enough Feather brand razor blades to last me the next couple of decades. I recall it cost less than $100.

I graduated in 2000. During my 11th year, I had an economics class in the same room as a computer lab. Over the course of a few weeks, I downloaded a voice synthesizer program, Shit Talker, to all the computers and set up scripts to have them all begin “talking shit” about our educationally worthless instructor (he taught because he wanted to coach sports), all sequentially during a class a few weeks in the future.

What I didn’t think about is how I was one of maybe four or five computer literate students in my grade, so I was quickly targeted after it went off. I should have just denied having done it but I was a dumb teen; they were bluffing about knowing it was me and I fell for it. I had computer access revoked for the rest of my public school career.

Soooo…a bit later that year, my father brings home a very small, defunct computer from his work. It was this custom job consisting of a tiny motherboard, smaller than a micro ATX, with a couple of daughter boards for all its peripheral connections. He just stole it because he thought it was cool but, being pretty computer illiterate, didn’t know what to do with it. I gutted it, installed the innards in a plastic file folder box, and installed Windows 98. I now had a portable computer! I’d carry it to my classes, hook it up to a monitor, and use that instead. I initially caught flak for it but I was restricted from using school computers, not their monitors.