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Cake day: March 18th, 2024

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  • Like everything there’s some puritan morals involved. Most of which are around how sex and sexual desire are gross and not important. Couple that with the idea that suffering makes you a good person they all connect.

    Also I think media plays a big role as well. Some toxic relationships are glorified in rom-coms and other media. Add in the normalization of weaponized jealousy in reality TV. Throw in the new micro cheating that the Internet and relationships experts who make mountains out of molehills. It’s a complex mix


  • If you are really interested in learning more about infidelity I would suggest you read / listen to Dan Savages’s columns / podcast. Unsurprisingly there are a lot of different calls and discussions about fidelity and monogamy. I would also suggest you read Ester Perel groundbreaking novel The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

    To answer your question directly infidelities are fairly common because monogamy is difficult and society typically puts a lot of stress and pressure on monogamy that makes it even more difficult. The foremost is the idea that monogamy as a default setting and that one person can be everything for one person sexually, emotionally etc… So we have a situation where two people are assuming that their partner will be the only person they can be attracted to, the one person that can fulfill all their emotional needs and will have to be a perfect roommate / life mate. This coupled with the idea that you have to be perfect at monogamy or you are a complete failure at it. So you have a hard situation and hard expectations so people slip and some people who slip on something small (a micro-cheating which is a ridiculous concept) they go all the way. All these expectations are common in “Straight-land” while those in “queer-land” have a different set of expectation that work better for everyone.

    We should all make monogamy an regular opt-in conversation for relationships (I would suggest ~6 months in when you go exclusive and then at most every 5 years). Moreover, we should understand our monogamist partner finds other people attractive and chooses to not pursue anything not that they don’t find anyone else attractive. Finally, we should understand a our partner needs friends, hobbies and confidant who are not us to rely on. Until that happens “cheating” will likely remain something that happens fairly regularity








  • It’s not about the ogre, it’s about whether choices have an impact on the story.

    This is exactly my point is that by relying on it constantly there is no actual real choice and its just lying about railroading the players. If I have the choice about going to clear out the undead in the forbidden temple or clear out the bandits on the outskirts of town and behind the scenes its the same dungeon map I will never know nor will I care. But if I go to kill the undead at the forbidden temple and end up at the bandit camp why make this choice? I love being able to re-use material like this, (In fact I had a dungeon that was an extra-dimensional space where the players got to choose between monsters and demons which used the same map). Same thing if a group of assassins is coming to attack the party and they are deciding between going shopping or the spa. The assassins will find them either way at whatever place they are doing. This is a great use. But if I heard rumor about these assassins and attempt to hide from them but no matter what I do they will always find me that is removing choice.

    I think its more of an advanced technique that given as some beginner friendly advice. Its easy to use it all the time to reduce agency instead of using it sparingly.


  • If you are dungeon mastering I would recommend avoiding the Quantum Ogre as much as possible. The idea here is to use the same encounter depending on whatever decision the party chooses. This is tempting because this reduces prep work and can reuse information. However, if the decision doesn’t have any consequence why make the players make this decision? TTRPG are about collaborative story telling so decisions so matter and if they don’t why am I even playing. If you want to reduce your prep maybe have the same monsters but at least change the terrain or starting criteria.

    If there is decision lead clues about what might be different between the options if it is important decision. These clues might not be obvious but that is what skills checks are for. Make decisions worthwhile so players feel engaged







  • dumples@midwest.socialtoReddit@lemmy.mlReddit purges all NSFW subreddits
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    4 months ago

    Queer folk always get swept up with porn, cishet only see us as a “kink” and assume our existence is entirely sexual.

    This is the whole point of these porn bans is to remove queer people from the internet. The porn cover just allows it to happen. So whenever you see anything about porn bans think queer ban first and then some porn removal that comes right back