Your usage of majority here is pretty disingenuous, well frankly your entire point.

To do exactly what you’re doing: The majority of drinkers who have a beer a week are alcoholics who can’t operate well without a daily drink.

Not to mention to liken having a beer a week to daily edibles is insane. A more apt comparison would be a drink or two a day vs an edible a day. Or at the other end, an edible a week vs a beer a week.

I think that might possibly be the joke.

Could maybe try kekkai sensen